Men and the Pressure to Provide

You might think that the idea of a man being the breadwinner of the family is outdated. However, many families still operate under this assumption, and even if you’re living in a two-income household, many men still believe that they need to be the ones to provide for their family.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a provider and to take care of those you love. However, when you feel pressured to conform to societal norms, your desire can start to feel more like an obligation.

That kind of societal pressure can lead to a variety of negative consequences for men, including mental health issues. So, while the pressure you might be feeling is deeply rooted in traditional gender roles, its rigidity could be doing more harm than good.

With that in mind, let’s take a closer look at men and the pressure to provide, and what you can do to find a healthy balance.

Societal Expectations

Traditional gender roles suggest that men should be the breadwinners of a family, while women should stay home and raise the children. This model still works well for some people, but it’s not for everyone.

Allowing yourself to maintain these traditional roles when you know it isn’t right for you or your family can have negative consequences.

Today, there’s a growing acceptance of two-income households. More women want to work, and some even want to be the breadwinners. However, even in modern relationships, it’s not uncommon for men to feel pressured into being the primary provider.

What Is the Psychological Impact?

So, what’s wrong with this kind of pressure? Some believe that the idea of a man providing for his family is so deeply ingrained in the male psyche that men often connect their ability to provide with their self-worth. If you can’t provide for your family, you might struggle with self-esteem issues.

Additionally, this pressure can cause you to feel inadequate, helpless, or even depressed. If you can’t meet the expectations of society or even the unrealistic ones you’ve put on yourself, you could end up feeling worthless. Unfortunately, men often display symptoms of these issues through irritability, frustration, and isolation, which can contribute to even more problems.

Looking at Relationships

Pressuring yourself to be the provider in your relationship can cause many communication issues and strain. You might start to resent your partner, even if they aren’t the one putting that pressure on you. This kind of thinking can even lead to you being emotionally unavailable. While being the breadwinner can be fulfilling in some ways, it often comes with a cost, especially when you’re hard on yourself or have unrealistic expectations.

Breaking the Stigma and the Cycle

It’s important to understand why you feel the pressure to provide. Traditional gender roles had their place, and they still work for some people. However, if you feel like the need to be the breadwinner is causing turmoil within your relationship or affecting your mental health, a change is necessary.

First, consider changing your idea of what it means to provide. You might automatically think that providing means bringing money home to your family. It could also mean showing support, communicating, collaborating on family goals, and taking on tasks at home.

One of the best things you can do is to talk to your partner about the different roles of the household and how you might start sharing them. Equitable partnerships tend to feel more fulfilling for both men and women, and you can both end up doing more enjoyable things with less pressure if you agree to them together.

If you’re having difficulty communicating those needs or are still struggling with the pressure to provide in the 21st century, don’t hesitate to reach out for help and learn about men’s counseling. These feelings can be isolating, but you’re not alone.